Resiliency and Balance.
A year and a half ago I lost my balance in life. Or maybe more to the point, my balance was shifted. We suddenly faced a totally different future than the one we had planned. The dreaded disease, the big C, turned up in my family when my husband Sigve was diagnosed with leukemia.
He faced chemo therapy and a stem cell transplant.
I really didn't know what I was facing.
I mean, I had all the info, including the prospect of a 50% survival rate. It's impossible to know how one will react in this kind of situation.
As it turned out, writing became my way of restoring some sort of balance. I started a blog,
"Journey to life", mainly as a way of getting the correct information out to family and friends in various parts of the world. So when I sat down every night to write a summary of that day's events, I was also performing self therapy. No matter how tired I was, I had to post, and in doing so, I got to do my own processing. I think that that saved my sanity.
Also, quite early in the process, gratitude became a very important part, and every day I listed 3 thing I was grateful for. Some nights I really had to wring my brain to come up with 3 things, but I did it. Gratitude and negativity will not exist together in our minds, one will exclude the other, and this way I was able to keep a positive mind.
The treatment was successful, and Sigve's recovery proceeded well. Almost a year ago, when this fact actually dawned on me, I lost my balance again. Under stress, we can keep ourselves together, then when we can begin to relax, we fall apart. Fortunately, I met a doctor who saw what was happening, and referred me to therapy.
My healing process has benefitted from various kinds of mindfulness, in the forms of writing, photography and meditation. I also find that from time to time I have to write a post like this.
But sometimes the old balance cannot be restored, a new kind of balance has to be established, and this takes time.
I would say we are resilient. We have bounced back. Our present and future is different from what we had imagined, but at least we still have a present and a future.