My word for 2018:
My Choice

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Mindful writing prompt #37: Resiliency

Resiliency and Balance.

A year and a half ago I lost my balance in life. Or maybe more to the point, my balance was shifted. We suddenly faced a totally different future than the one we had planned. The dreaded disease, the big C, turned up in my family when my husband Sigve was diagnosed with leukemia. 
He faced chemo therapy and a stem cell transplant. 
I really didn't know what I was facing. 
I mean, I had all the info, including the prospect of a 50% survival rate. It's impossible to know how one will react in this kind of situation. 
As it turned out, writing became my way of restoring some sort of balance. I started a blog, "Journey to life", mainly as a way of getting the correct information out to family and friends in various parts of the world. So when I sat down every night to write a summary of that day's events, I was also performing self therapy. No matter how tired I was, I had to post, and in doing so, I got to do my own processing. I think that that saved my sanity. 
Also, quite early in the process, gratitude became a very important part, and every day I listed 3 thing I was grateful for. Some nights I really had to wring my brain to come up with 3 things, but I did it. Gratitude and negativity will not exist together in our minds, one will exclude the other, and this way I was able to keep a positive mind.
The treatment was successful, and Sigve's recovery proceeded well. Almost a year ago, when this fact actually dawned on me, I lost my balance again. Under stress, we can keep ourselves together, then when we can begin to relax, we fall apart. Fortunately, I met a doctor who saw what was happening, and referred me to therapy. 
My healing process has benefitted from various kinds of mindfulness, in the forms of writing, photography and meditation. I also find that from time to time I have to write a post like this.
But sometimes the old balance cannot be restored, a new kind of balance has to be established, and this takes time. 
I would say we are resilient. We have bounced back. Our present and future is different from what we had imagined, but at least we still have a present and a future.


pauline said...

Inger, this is heartfelt writing.

Life is all about ebb and flow, isn't it? Just like the waves in your photo, sometimes things are balanced, and sometimes they're not. I also believe writing saves, and putting pen to paper always help me through difficult times. I hope you (and your husband) are both on the path to recovery and healing. Sending love your way... xoxox (thank you for sharing. I know there are others in similar situations, and your words help).

Mara said...

This is the crazy thing about life: you never know what is going to come and go from it. The very idea that life brings surprises, good or bad, can cause one stress. I know this is true for me.

The testimony you shared regarding your husband's illness and how you handled that time period, I found to be quite touching. I'm glad that you found a way to release some of the stress through writing. Writing is always my "therapy doctor." :)

teri said...

I too started my first blog during a time of unforeseen illness and subsequent death of a nephew. In fact my photo blog is dedicated to him. I am not sure if I ever recovered... balance has been a hard thing to define and stay in . It could be I realize how fragile this life really is. I feel much more aware of the shifting energies within myself and others. I so appreciate this post - it is a reminder to my senses.. an anti-self-judging blanket for me to curl up into. Blessing to you and your family. xo teri

Sonda Tamarr Allen said...

Your writings nourish others as well thank you

Freya Pickard said...

Thank you for this Inger. It's really helped me! I am going through exhaustion/stress/readjustment at the moment. The main thing I'm struggling with is not enough time for writing and to do the things I WANT to do. I keep missing out writing in my journal, I can't even summon up enough energy to write a haiku or a stone. But look - i've just written a reply to you so there MUST be something inside waiting to come out. Thank you - that was therapy!